Blog
How your childhood trauma affects your love life
Love is a beautiful and complex emotion that shapes our lives in profound ways. It can be a source of joy, fulfillment, and connection. However, for many adults, love can also be a source of pain, confusion, and struggle.
Often, the key to understanding these challenges lies in our past, specifically in the experiences of our childhood. Childhood trauma, whether it's emotional, physical, or psychological, can have a lasting impact on our ability to love and form healthy relationships as adults.
As we are developing, so are our brains. And what we see, experience and survive growing up gets encoded in our subconscious mind. If we survive dysfunction our subconscious mind learns that dysfunction is what it needed in order to know that it is surviving.
Below we will explore the ways in which childhood trauma can affect our love life for years to come.
Trust issues
One of the most significant ways childhood trauma can affect our love life is by eroding our ability to trust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and when it is compromised by early traumatic experiences, it can be challenging to fully open up to a partner.
Adults who have experienced betrayal, neglect, or abuse as children may find it difficult to trust their partners, always fearing that they will be hurt or abandoned. When we survive betrayal, neglect, or abuse as children our subconscious mind will do what it can to attract and be attracted to those who will either betray, neglect or abuse us - because this is what it knows how to survive, and it's continued survival is based up on recreating that experience.
For unhealed individuals who happen to attract a trusty worthy partner their mind can play tricks on them. For the unhealed individual, their subconscious belief, "that it is just a matter of time before trust will be broken," can become a self fulfilling prophecy that causes them to recreate the experience of betrayal.
Attachment Styles
Our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment styles, which in turn influence our adult relationships. Our attachment to our primary caregivers sets the frequency and blueprint for how we will operate in romantic relationships later on in our adult life.
Children who experienced inconsistent or unavailable caregivers may develop insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment. These attachment styles can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy, secure relationships as adults.
Attachment styles are ancestral and are handed down the family line. If we have a mother who has a dismissive attachment (aka avoidant) she will hand down this attachment to her child and her child will develop and avoidant attachment style. Children are sponges and pick up everything from their parents.
Even traumatic events in our ancestral past can create insecure attachments.
Self-esteem
Childhood trauma can deeply impact one's self-esteem and self-worth. Individuals who were subjected to abuse or neglect may internalize negative beliefs about themselves, feeling unworthy of love or incapable of being loved. These feelings of inadequacy can manifest in adult relationships, leading to self-sabotage or seeking out partners who reinforce these negative beliefs.
When we have low self-esteem / low self-worth we are more likely to attract and be attracted to partners that are not good for us, treat us poorly, and even abuse us.
The subconscious mind is attracted to these relationships because at a deep level it "feels like home." This is the type of relationships and treatment it survived growing up and it is the same type of treatment it will be attracted to in romantic relationships, unless it is revised and updated.
Communication issues
Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Childhood trauma can hinder the development of these skills.
Those who grew up in chaotic or abusive environments may struggle with expressing their needs and emotions or may resort to harmful patterns of communication in adulthood, creating tension and misunderstandings in their relationships.
If we had a parents who suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), was an alcoholic or addict, or was mentally ill, this can greatly contribute difficulties with regulating emotional states leading adults to have tantrums and act like children to be see and ultimately get their way.
And of course children see this and observe how such ways of communicating gets attention.
Ancestral patterns
Without conscious awareness and intervention, individuals may unconsciously seek out partners who replicate the dynamics of their early relationships, even if they were unhealthy or abusive. This can lead to a cycles of toxic relationships that repeat for generations to come.
The subconscious mind loves what is familiar because this is what it knows it can survive. Those who grow up with narcissistic parents are more likely to be attracted to narcissistic partners because this is what their subconscious mind survived growing up.
If a child grows up with a parent who is an alcoholic or addict, when they become an adult they will be attracted to partners who are alcoholics or addicts because to the subconscious mind, this is what feels like home. This is all revisable.
Health related issues
The manifestation of health-related issues as a means to seek attention and care from others due to a lack of attention and neglect in childhood is a complex and often unconscious psychological phenomenon.
This behavior can be a form of coping with unresolved emotional wounds and seeking the nurturing and validation that was missing in childhood.
Children who were neglected or who only received attention from their parents when something bad happened or when they got sick come to learn at a deep subconscious level that if I am constantly sick then I will get attention and love from others.
During Family Constellations when a representative is placed to represent the client's illness we come to see that the illness is this person's best friend and here to make sure they get love and attention they desire.
Intimacy issues
Childhood trauma can manifest in a variety of different intimacy issues. Survivors of trauma may struggle to engage in healthy sexual relationships or may dissociate during intimate moments, making it challenging to establish a fulfilling sexual connection with their partners.
Deep down there is a fear that love / intimacy is not safe and the way the subconscious mind will protect the individual in close intimate relationships is to do what it can to prevent deeper levels of intimacy from taking place. This can manifest in erectile dysfunction(ED), the inability to reach orgasm, leaving ones body during sex (dissociation), constant migraines, body aches, etc.
Some individuals who suffer from intimacy issues will not like to be touched which can put a massive strain on a relationship. If you are someone who likes physical touch be mindful to choose a partner who can easily give hugs and physical affection.
Codependency
Codependency is a complex and often unhealthy pattern of behavior and emotional functioning in which an individual excessively relies on, or becomes emotionally enmeshed with, another person, typically a partner, family member, or friend, to the detriment of their own well-being.
It often emerges as a result of childhood trauma because it is a coping mechanism that individuals develop in response to dysfunctional family dynamics and unmet emotional needs during their formative years.
These codependent adults may rely heavily on their partner for emotional validation and self-worth, often neglecting their own needs and well-being. This unhealthy reliance on a partner can lead to an imbalanced and ultimately unsatisfying relationship.
This way of being an operating is deeply rooted in the subconscious mind and is part of the foundational programming that was put in place in childhood.
Our past does not have to define our future. With modalities such as NLP, Family Constellations and Hypnosis we can reprogram the subconscious mind of the limiting beliefs that we acquired in our childhood. By bringing these subconscious dynamics into conscious awareness, individuals can take steps to break free from these unhealthy patterns and form healthier, more balanced relationships.
Blog
How your childhood trauma affects your love life
Love is a beautiful and complex emotion that shapes our lives in profound ways. It can be a source of joy, fulfillment, and connection. However, for many adults, love can also be a source of pain, confusion, and struggle.
Often, the key to understanding these challenges lies in our past, specifically in the experiences of our childhood. Childhood trauma, whether it's emotional, physical, or psychological, can have a lasting impact on our ability to love and form healthy relationships as adults.
As we are developing, so are our brains. And what we see, experience and survive growing up gets encoded in our subconscious mind. If we survive dysfunction our subconscious mind learns that dysfunction is what it needed in order to know that it is surviving.
Trust issues
One of the most significant ways childhood trauma can affect our love life is by eroding our ability to trust. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and when it is compromised by early traumatic experiences, it can be challenging to fully open up to a partner.
Adults who have experienced betrayal, neglect, or abuse as children may find it difficult to trust their partners, always fearing that they will be hurt or abandoned. When we survive betrayal, neglect, or abuse as children our subconscious mind will do what it can to attract and be attracted to those who will either betray, neglect or abuse us - because this is what it knows how to survive, and it's continued survival is based up on recreating that experience.
For unhealed individuals who happen to attract a trusty worthy partner their mind can play tricks on them. For the unhealed individual, their subconscious belief, "that it is just a matter of time before trust will be broken," can become a self fulfilling prophecy that causes them to recreate the experience of betrayal.
Attachment Styles
Our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment styles, which in turn influence our adult relationships. Our attachment to our primary caregivers sets the frequency and blueprint for how we will operate in romantic relationships later on in our adult life.
Children who experienced inconsistent or unavailable caregivers may develop insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment. These attachment styles can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy, secure relationships as adults.
Attachment styles are ancestral and are handed down the family line. If we have a mother who has a dismissive attachment (aka avoidant) she will hand down this attachment to her child and her child will develop and avoidant attachment style. Children are sponges and pick up everything from their parents.
Even traumatic events in our ancestral past can create insecure attachments.
Self-esteem
Childhood trauma can deeply impact one's self-esteem and self-worth. Individuals who were subjected to abuse or neglect may internalize negative beliefs about themselves, feeling unworthy of love or incapable of being loved. These feelings of inadequacy can manifest in adult relationships, leading to self-sabotage or seeking out partners who reinforce these negative beliefs.
When we have low self-esteem / low self-worth we are more likely to attract and be attracted to partners that are not good for us, treat us poorly, and even abuse us.
The subconscious mind is attracted to these relationships because at a deep level it "feels like home." This is the type of relationships and treatment it survived growing up and it is the same type of treatment it will be attracted to in romantic relationships, unless it is revised and updated.
Communication issues
Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Childhood trauma can hinder the development of these skills.
Those who grew up in chaotic or abusive environments may struggle with expressing their needs and emotions or may resort to harmful patterns of communication in adulthood, creating tension and misunderstandings in their relationships.
If we had a parents who suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), was an alcoholic or addict, or was mentally ill, this can greatly contribute difficulties with regulating emotional states leading adults to have tantrums and act like children to be see and ultimately get their way.
And of course children see this and observe how such ways of communicating gets attention.
Ancestral patterns
Without conscious awareness and intervention, individuals may unconsciously seek out partners who replicate the dynamics of their early relationships, even if they were unhealthy or abusive. This can lead to a cycles of toxic relationships that repeat for generations to come.
The subconscious mind loves what is familiar because this is what it knows it can survive. Those who grow up with narcissistic parents are more likely to be attracted to narcissistic partners because this is what their subconscious mind survived growing up.
If a child grows up with a parent who is an alcoholic or addict, when they become an adult they will be attracted to partners who are alcoholics or addicts because to the subconscious mind, this is what feels like home. This is all revisable.
Health related issues
The manifestation of health-related issues as a means to seek attention and care from others due to a lack of attention and neglect in childhood is a complex and often unconscious psychological phenomenon.
This behavior can be a form of coping with unresolved emotional wounds and seeking the nurturing and validation that was missing in childhood.
Children who were neglected or who only received attention from their parents when something bad happened or when they got sick come to learn at a deep subconscious level that if I am constantly sick then I will get attention and love from others.
During Family Constellations when a representative is placed to represent the client's illness we come to see that the illness is this person's best friend and here to make sure they get love and attention they desire.
Intimacy issues
Childhood trauma can manifest in a variety of different intimacy issues. Survivors of trauma may struggle to engage in healthy sexual relationships or may dissociate during intimate moments, making it challenging to establish a fulfilling sexual connection with their partners.
Deep down there is a fear that love / intimacy is not safe and the way the subconscious mind will protect the individual in close intimate relationships is to do what it can to prevent deeper levels of intimacy from taking place. This can manifest in erectile dysfunction(ED), the inability to reach orgasm, leaving ones body during sex (dissociation), constant migraines, body aches, etc.
Some individuals who suffer from intimacy issues will not like to be touched which can put a massive strain on a relationship. If you are someone who likes physical touch be mindful to choose a partner who can easily give hugs and physical affection.
Codependency
Codependency is a complex and often unhealthy pattern of behavior and emotional functioning in which an individual excessively relies on, or becomes emotionally enmeshed with, another person, typically a partner, family member, or friend, to the detriment of their own well-being.
It often emerges as a result of childhood trauma because it is a coping mechanism that individuals develop in response to dysfunctional family dynamics and unmet emotional needs during their formative years.
These codependent adults may rely heavily on their partner for emotional validation and self-worth, often neglecting their own needs and well-being. This unhealthy reliance on a partner can lead to an imbalanced and ultimately unsatisfying relationship.
This way of being an operating is deeply rooted in the subconscious mind and is part of the foundational programming that was put in place in childhood.
Our past does not have to define our future. With modalities such as NLP, Family Constellations and Hypnosis we can reprogram the subconscious mind of the limiting beliefs that we acquired in our childhood. By bringing these subconscious dynamics into conscious awareness, individuals can take steps to break free from these unhealthy patterns and form healthier, more balanced relationships.
You’re not broken—you’ve just been stuck in survival mode.
It’s time to rewire the patterns that no longer serve you.
You’re not broken—you’ve just been stuck in survival mode.
It’s time to rewire the patterns that no longer serve you.
How your early attachments shape your love life
Love is a profound and complex emotion that influences every aspect of our lives, from our self-esteem to our relationships. The roots of our capacity to love can be traced back to our earliest experiences—the attachments we form with our parents or primary caregivers during childhood...
How your early attachments shape your love life
Love is a profound and complex emotion that influences every aspect of our lives, from our self-esteem to our relationships. The roots of our capacity to love can be traced back to our earliest experiences—the attachments we form with our parents or primary caregivers during childhood...
Re-Programming the Subconscious Mind
Healing Modalities
This isn't a quick fix, or a magic pill. If you are looking for something like that, then please look somewhere else. Those who partake on this path are committed to their growth, transformation and personal development not only for themselves but for those they love. When you choose to work on yourself you are making your greatest contribution to yourself, your loved ones, and the world at large.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Transformational Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a methodology that allows you to get really clear on what you would like in life and then it works to revise the limiting subconscious beliefs and patterning that get in the way of you having what you would like.
Past trauma gets hard wired into your neurology and can plague you for many years after, causing limiting patterns and blocks to your ultimate happiness. When you start to understand how your brain really works you can begin to work with all parts of yourself instead of against yourself.
Transformational NLP is a combination of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), psychology, and spirituality. Utilizing the latest innovations from quantum physics, neuroscience, psychology, and systemic constellations we can uncover what has been stopping you from having the love life and life you truly desire and update the programming so your dominant frequency will now aligns with what you desire.
Family Constellations
Family constellations are a powerful that help people become free from unconscious ancestral trauma that gets handed down generationally.
Constellations have been known to heal and shift an undesired state or issue where other healing modalities have fallen short. What if that missing piece was tied to you ancestral lineage, something deeply embedded in you family system that has never been explored, until now?
Bert Hellinger, a German psychotherapist and one of the founders of this work, discovered that people often unconsciously adopt familial patterns such as anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, fear, and aloneness as a way of belonging to those that gave them life.
In family constellations, these entanglements are revealed and acknowledged. A well facilitated constellation creates the space for the family order to be put back into its proper place. This allows for the client to have a new and better experience going forward.
Hypnosis
Hypnosis is a very effective tool that allows you to easily and efficiently reprogram the subconscious mind. With hypnosis repetition is key! In hypnosis, techniques are utilized to bypass the conscious mind and speak directly to the subconscious mind.
The goal with hypnosis (as well as NLP) is to help people do what they want to do and stop doing what they don’t want to do. Hypnosis (as well as NLP) allows you to bridge the conscious mind and the subconscious mind so that they can work in harmony with each other, instead of against each other. Imagine achieving the things you want in life with ease, without unconsciously sabotaging yourself!
Hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness where the subconscious level of the mind is in a state of hyper-suggestibility.
When it comes to creating the change you would like to see in your life, you have to want the change. As a hypnotist we will never get anyone to make a change that is not acceptable to them.
Virtual
Subconscious Designs, LLC © 2023 All rights reserved
All content shared reflects personal experience, education, and opinion, and is intended for informational and personal development purposes only. The information provided is not medical advice and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or psychological treatment. Subconscious Designs LLC and Jessica Dufour do not claim to diagnose, treat, or cure any condition. You are solely responsible for your own decisions, actions, and results.
